Last night marked the official end of my first year of graduate school. The cynical side of me would comment on how I still have a year left and that this upcoming year (thesis and all) is going to be even tougher than the first. But, just this once, I want to celebrate all of the accomplishments from this past year. Specifically, the USF part.
When I first began, I knew the program would be challenging, but honestly? I had NO idea what to expect. Ask Corina, I didn't even realize I was applying for an intern program! I didn't know when classes started, what the program entailed, etc. I was clueless. To say the summer intensive was a rude awakening would be putting it mildly. At that point I had no idea how I got through it and had no idea what was still to come.
Boy, did it come! I won't comment on the job details right now; I'll save that reflection for when the school year officially ends (4 weeks! But who's counting?). The school part, however, was equally as challenging. I remember the first class of the fall semester. It was after my second day on the job. My second day of crying continuously for hours. My second day of having NO clue what I was doing. As I sat in class, I remember, vividly, some of my peer's sharing their experiences thus far. I couldn't believe when one member of my cohort said, "I love my job!" Seriously? I wanted to kill him. As I looked around and watched other members nod their head in agreement I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into. Were they in their right mind? Was I the crazy one? Is this job really for me? Am I already in too-deep? Is it too late to quit?!
I won't lie; I seriously entertained the thought of quitting throughout the entire fall semester. It didn't help that other members of my cohort kept dropping out, too. They all had such sunny accounts of how they made the right decision. I kept giving myself deadlines. "If I continue to cry for the rest of this week? I am definitely quitting." "I'll give it until Thanksgiving. If I can make it through then and I'm still unhappy? I'll quit." I even went so far as creating my own IEP goal! (By September 2013, I will only consider quitting my job in 2 of 7 days. Current baseline= 7/7 days.)
But somehow, I managed to get through it. Somehow I managed to push through the exhaustion, frustration, and forced myself to go to class every Wednesday and Thursday. The strangest part? Somewhere along the way, I even found myself enjoying it. Crazy. Masochist. I know. But, yet...true. Somewhere along the road I actually made progress on my own personal goal to the point where I don't think of quitting at ALL (okay, maybe once in a while, but come on, I'm human)! I've found joy and amusement at little things that occur at both school (USF) and work. I don't mean to sound trite when I say that those little things really had an affect on me and made work bearable, tolerable, and eventually? Enjoyable.
This brings me back to yesterday, the culminating point for all the members of Cohort 14. As I sat in the room and watched all 17 members (well, 15) of Cohort 14 get their thesis' signed, I couldn't help but be so jealous, envious, and excited all at the same time! The jealousy and envy wasn't personal; I just wanted to be in their shoes. To be done with the program and done with my thesis. At this point in the process, I can't even fathom that day coming! But, honestly, watching them get their thesis' signed? I felt excited. It made it seem like the goal was actually capable of being attained. It was a really cool moment to witness and I was eager to get started on my thesis.
That feeling has passed, obviously, as I'm sitting here writing in this blog rather than working on my article synthesis. But still, for a moment... I could envision myself next year shaking Dr. Oh's hand and being handed the final copy of my thesis. I can't wait for that moment and can't wait to experience all the emotions and feelings that are bound to overcome me.
In the meantime, I will gladly celebrate the end of my first year by enjoying this day off and catching up on all my shows... :)
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